Pardon me, brief pause there to help myself to a glass of purple booze of epic proportions. Yes, I am referring to Pinot Noir, my friends, the juice of life here in Central Otago. Some would argue that water, indeed is the actual juice of life, but let's be fair here, and culturally sensitive as well, Pinot Noir runs the show, the boss, the big red, the captain, the grape of all grapes. For me anyway. Oh and other people like it too. I'm pretty sure.
Which brings me to another issue, slightly related but more so disturbing. Yes I am going to continue to talk about myself.
WHY is it that I hoard things like booze and food? One (I) could argue that I am greedy, or chubby, or both but what REALLY lies at the heart of this issue folks? Was I deprived of these things at some point and now I am afraid of running out? I am afraid of being hungry (and sober) and not being able to find nourishment (or a buzz)? Today is the day before Christmas and all supermarkets, liquor stores, and bars are closed tomorrow. Not for a week, just for one day. That is 24 hours. So because I fear hunger and sobriety of the worst degree on this very important Christian holiday, lets remind all of you that I hardly identify myself as Christian, but anyway, god forbid I don't buy enough wine. God forbid. Sweet Jesus. What is my problem? I bought four bottles of wine, a bottle of bubbly and a box of beer. Like I could ever consume all of that in one day, well now that I am heading towards the big 3-0, the possibility of that happening is slim to none, but challenge me to a.......well nevermind now, not the point. What is the point? Oh yes, now I have A LOT of booze that I will just allow myself to drink into oblivion with the justification that it is a 'holiday'. Oh and the food. I am definitely afraid of being hungry without means of obtaining food. I get real bitchy if I get too hungry. Most of you know that already. Sorry. So I buy a bunch of extra stuff so that I have it, then I just end up eating twice as much because its there and 'I might be hungry later'. Yeah, of course I am going to be 'hungry later' I'm an f'in human being, thats what humans do, eat, metabolize, eat, metabolize and so on and so forth. I'm like a dog. Eat as much as quickly as possible then stare at others while they finish. Gross.
Speaking of eating too much.......I knew I would run into a lot of Americans in Queenstown. It happens to be one of the most heavily touristed towns in New Zealand, a clean, first-world, English speaking country. In my past travel experiences, I have found the least amount of Americans in poor, dirty, non-English speaking countries, which is where generally I have preferred to be. Until now for some reason. So because of my job I have a lot of interaction with tourists. And a large proportion of those tourists happen to be Americans. They are fascinated by me, a fellow countryman, living in New Zealand. The other day I went up to a table and asked them if they wanted something to drink. The woman's eyes grew large (unfortunately not because she was about to order a Pinot Noir......) and ignored my question and demanded "WHERE ARE YOU FROM????" with a thick American accent. And I replied "Massachusetts" and she laughed "Oh, we're from New Jersey!" First of all, I don't care. Second of all, that doesn't mean we have anything in common. Thirdly, how am I supposed to respond? 'Oh COOL, we should get coffee while you are in town, awesome, New Jersey, eh? What a great state, all those highways and stuff!' And fourth of all, if I can even say that, New Zealand is full of Americans, and Queenstown is LOADED with them. I couldn't possibly have been the first American accent she has heard in New Zealand. There are over 300 million Americans, and I am in Queenstown, New Zealand, WE ARE NOT A NOVELTY HERE!
Get excited to have a conversation with a Kiwi.
I had to spell Massachusetts for a customer the other day. She wasn't American, but I wouldn't have been surprised if she had been.
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