Camel Toes, Skinny Jeans, and Moms in Bondage

Right.

So maybe you expect something a bit more profound for my first 'official' blog entry, aside from the 'Welcome Friends to My Page of Wisdom' bit from a few days ago.....

Well, I just have to get a few things off my chest.

First, how do women not know that they have a piece of woven material shoved up their you-know-whats? Hoo-hoo, ha-ha, wee-wee, la-la, whatever the f you call it, I haven't got time to list the countless ways you name a woman's bits. Anyway. Often when I see a phenomenon such as this, and don't ask me why I am spending so much time talking about this, or why my glance is turned toward other women's crotches, well, that's something I need to sort out for myself but anyway, what was I saying, oh yeah, what is going on here? I simply cannot imagine anything more uncomfortable than this! I truly would rather wear high heels two sizes too small (which, by the way, I am not above, and have been known on occasion to wear things that are too small for me all in the name of sex appeal, but that's another entry ENTIRELY...) than have a giant wedgie back to front or front to back or wherever that massive horrific disaster starts or finishes. Ugh. I guess if I were a man, it would be similar to having a strip of material wedged firmly BETWEEN your balls, not off to one side, or in the front, or no no no not in the back, yes RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE. Could someone with balls and a uterus please let me know? Thanks. There is no excuse for this. If you can't feel a camel toe, well, I suggest you make an appointment somewhere.

I have been known on occasion to say how I feel. I guess that statement should have been the first in this blog entry. Oh well. Most of you know me well enough by now to take me for what I am. That is, someone who will under no circumstances compromise my integrity when it comes to skinny jeans. They do not look good on skinny people. Or fat people. Or cute people. Or anyone AT ALL. I can't wait for this trend to go away. Especially amongst these funky little 'hipster' boys. As if we couldn't tell your bum didn't exist to begin with, please add saggy jean material and bunched up legs and wow, NOW you have a figure? Who told you that looked good? Honestly, tell me, and I will kill them for you. Its been going strong for two plus years now, and seems to be a worldwide movement! They say all good things must come to an end, yes? Well how about 'effin skinny jeans, I'm ready for this trend to hit the garbage can.

The restaurant I work at is located just next to a wicked cheesy club where girls dance on the bar Coyote Ugly style and do body shots and well, yeah thats about all the do, oh some splits sometimes, yeah its a real hoot. Anyway, they do a lot of promo work (and I use the term 'work' loosely) by prancing around town in cowboy hats, and not much by way of clothing, passing out flyers about drink specials and stuff. Well tonight, at around, 10:30 or so, just when the streets begin to heat up for the night, a femal fire dancer/twirler appeared out front and began swinging about this way and that some fire props. She was dressed in a sort of red, skin tight leatherish looking getup, that was probably about a size too big for her. So it hung around her hips and it was rolled up on the bottom, but was still tight in certain parts, and as I stared fascinatingly at this fashion specimen, with sheer concentration and my head slightly cocked to the side, a co-worker of mine stood next to me, in similar awe, and stated "that looks like something my mom would wear if she was into bondage". Right. So I just sorta pondered a bit, and murmured in agreement, and plodded off to set a table, and a millisecond later I whirled around and said "WHAT?". What a sicko. It took me a second to realize that Chris had assessed what this woman was wearing in terms of his MOTHER and BONDAGE. What was a seemingly casual statement set my psychological and sociological loins on fire (you know, if I had a separate set of 'psychological and sociological' loins). What kind of relationship between a mother and son would produce a statement like that? Do I want to know? Regardless, it was hilarious and awkwardly enough, kinda true, I mean, if you know, moms wore tightish leather outfits and you know, um, twirled fire, and er, well you know what I mean.........

Why do I care so much about other people's outfits and personal expressions of themselves or whatever you call not being naked?

You might have all been expecting a little bit more about New Zealand, but it will come, as I am living my life here, funny shit happens all the time, whether I choose to write it down or not is another story. And oh, there will be many more stories, I promise.

I like New Zealand so far, they have peanut butter and cute boys, reason enough to stay here forever, really...........Oh yeah, the scenery is pretty bitchin' too.